Although I do freely admit a nice glass of white goes down a treat in a life filled with horses, children, and a rather big clinic ahead. But no, the support I speak of comes in all shapes and forms. From friends and well meaning well wishers it looks like this....
1. Replying to your text messages of impending meltdown and doubt (thanks Layla! Amongst others)
2. New friends who are kindred spirits on FB and are very much in the same boat sharing stories (Jane & Aintree Riders!)
3. Old friends who know you're slightly neurotic and much braver when inebriated but love you anyway (Alison ...)
4. Husband who has gone deaf to time, energy and cost of horses in general, but is still my biggest fan :)
5. General good luck and oo that sounds exciting, genuine heartfelt love of a 'you go girl' ilk.
6. My children who love me and think Buck is a very lucky chap to spend time with me & the mighty Mr T (deluded little imps they are)
7. The wine aisle at Morrisons
Then there are the comments that ruffle my feathers a bit and make me doubt myself and my horse. They generally come across as well meaning with a sinister undertone.
1. ooo not long now is it?
2. Are you nervous? (Well I wasn't....)
3. How many people are spectating????
4. There's NO WAY that my horse would cope with that atmosphere!
5. You're driving yourself there? (Yes, but that's been helped by the lovely Manningtree Horsebox hire)
Those little demon doubts start running around your brain eating up any confidence or excitement. I still wonder why people are so ready to see a 'friend' or fellow human being fail. For the most part my friends have been very supportive and the nay-sayers few and far between. But when those nay-sayers feel it is perfectly acceptable to put the negative vibe out there, it can be quite toxic. So I am working on my emotional fitness and not giving those thoughts head space. I am going as a student of the horse, to learn and solidify my partnership with Tuff. I'm sure I'll make some amazing mistakes, but that will provide a learning opportunity for everyone (feel free to thank me spectators at the time lol!).
What is all boils down to is we'll do our best.
It did get me thinking (I know, a rarity!) and I've touched on this before, but how do we expect our horses to try and succeed if we don't set it up for ourselves to learn? I see this time and time again, fixed ideas about who is 'good enough' to ride, or have horses, who is 'good enough' to ride at a Buck Brannaman clinic.... it's that kind of ego that needs to be let go when around horses. My horse doesn't care if I'm Charlotte DuJardin or a stable hand at a riding school, all he cares about is the deal I offer him. That I set it up for he and I to try something new together and I don't discourage him when it doesn't quite go as planned.
It's not vanity or ego that makes me want to push myself and ride with Buck, it's the complete opposite. It's putting myself in a vulnerable place, open to learn, from an exceptional horseman. Not for trophies, ribbons, or the praise of ego fuelled riders. No, it is for Tuff, and Maite, and any other horse I get to work with down the line. It is an attempt to improve my feel, timing and my skills as a person.
So to all the negative ninnies out there who are watching, awaiting me to fail, go grab your popcorn, I'm sure I'll give you a heck of a show, but I won't be failing my horse ;)
Anyone needs me I'll be in aisle 6.....
I'll leave you with this rather apt quote seen at a BB clinic last week
See you on the flip side x
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